Conversation wasn't fleeting, it just wasn't necessary
It’s 6:48pm in the evening. I have found myself sprawled awkwardly on the couch, my head is anchored on the armrest, my back is sinking into the couch and my legs are planted on the floor. I fell onto the couch in this position out of exhaustion from lack of sleep and an attempt to dispel time by hopefully catching a quick nap before having to drive to work. Alas, sleep wasn’t willing to wash over me, as I am exhausted but not tired.
So I just laid there. Just thinking and not moving. My body felt like it was a series of rusted and heavy cables that push a machine around, and it was failing and has fallen into a position to forever remain. I felt just like that, a gutted machine with no urge for repair or movement.
She came from the kitchen and sat on the end of the couch, the part that remains not hijacked from the failed machine that I called my body. She resided and ate, and conversed. I found it hard to continue conversation, the rust that took over my body also took over my mind also. So I just lied there and listened and awkwardly hummed what was answers that made no sense at all.
She came along and planted herself next to me on the couch, within the space that was left, and just embraced me.
No words were spoken at all.
Conversation wasn’t fleeting, it just wasn’t necessary.
I still felt like my physical state was close to having death wash over me, but I knew at that exact moment that I was lucky, happy and hopelessly in love with this girl.
The cityscape looks dynamic and surreal, a mess of infrastructure amassed into buildings that scrape the skies easily. The shadows cast during the day collect within the canyons at street level, sweeping an odd cold even on the hottest days. Lit up each night it emanates a halo, it resembles something similar to a macrocosm of success; a value of humanities triumph over centuries of endeavors, a triumph over the grass and nature. Yet the city itself isn’t the buildings, the very buildings that overpower and crush all who dare look upon from the ground-floor of civilisation. No, the buildings remain just the structures, mere stages for the actors who live, breathe and act out stanzas amongst it.
Within these streets I walk, and look upon these spectacles. I feel like another face among the crowd, nothing special and sacred, just another being walking from point A to B. Another actor partaking in the cities finest act, another day in the modern world. The first acts I push through, never minding the ebb and flow of this life and how it truly revolves. Yet, my mind can’t shake the feeling of it all being superficial and unrealistic, even if it is reality and the life we had all chosen. The act is coming to a close, and I choose not to be part of it. I feel the revolt within my being, yet never really decided to take the plunge.
Lives have a tendency to phase out when ignored or pursued without intent, and this trap I almost fell into the cracks with, casually wasting the days into obscurity whilst perusing the bleak streets of this city stage. Luckily for me, I’ve been awoken from the perpetual haze that had descended on me, and escaped from the stage show that was my life and this city. It would be contrary to believe that I was given another chance, but that’s exactly what it was. A new opportunity to shake the callouses that set over my impedance, and to set forth in a new direction within the stage of this city. Could it be luck? No. It was love. I’m sure of it, as I had fallen and chosen never to pull myself back up again.
She took my hand and showed me something that I missed. She is confident and curious, a refreshing perspective on amazement and knowledge itself. She showed me things that I had ignored and forgotten among my world and her own. The angles of reflection, the depths of passion within the streets, the calm of leaving it all. It was the world that I explored and came to enjoy and adore. Something free. Something truly unique.
I was given a new chance to live, away from the spectacle, the one she led me to.